He can't do whatever a spider can - but New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg certainly gave it his best effort last night.
The mayor and media mogul got into the swing of things at the annual Inner Circle, a roast of New York City politicians by the journalists who cover them - first with a clumsy attempt as Spider-Man.
The mayor descended from the rafters with a cape - then promptly got into technical difficulties mid-air (just like the troubled Broadway musical).
Hey there! Here comes the Spider-Mayor: Michael Bloomberg participates at Inner Circle 2011
Fortunately, unlike several of the actors on the $65million Broadway show, Mr Bloomberg managed to escape his predicament without injury.
He swiftly segued into a safer role, donning bell bottoms and platform shoes to join the cast of Mamma Mia.
The cast told the fictitious story of Mr Bloomberg's media empire. To the tune of the Abba hit Dancing Queen, they sang: 'Pay that fee, watch that screen, winning prizes, all in Mike's machine'.
The Inner Circle performance consists of a group of New York City Hall reporters roasting the politicians they cover.
Mamma Mayor! Afterwards Mr Bloomberg donned silver platformed heels and bell bottoms to join the cast of Broadway's Mamma Mia at the roast
The mayor is the only one who is allowed a rebuttal.
And last night he needed it. The theme of the performance was 'Meet the Focker-Uppers', the New York Daily News reported.
It was a savage roast targeting the mayor's third term, plagued by debacles - such as the Christmas blizzard and his politically incorrect joke about drunk Irish people 'hanging out of windows'.
But Mr Bloomberg joined in the fun. In one scene, a flashback to 2001, a cast member told him: 'You'll have eight great years.'
'What if I win a third term?' Mr Bloomberg asked.
'Like I said,' the cast member replied.
At the end of the performance, dressed as Spider Man once more, he sailed back into the rafters, declaring the press does not need to know where he goes on weekends.
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